define euphoric

I feel so alone, all the time. Every time I feel like this it confuses me, every time I cry Iapos;m wondering who else constantly feels like this. Who else thinks about ending it every other week.

I wish I could get away from it all, leave this place, leave behind everyone who ever hurt me. I fantasize about my own suicide. About what song Iapos;d put on repeat while I do it. The time will come soon enough, Iapos;m destroying myself with the alcohol, the drugs, the cutting. Itapos;s getting worse now, I have to drink more, take more and cut deeper to get the same thrills. One day Iapos;ll reach that point, but right now the thoughts of the four people who love me are the ones that are keeping me here.

Iapos;m trapped inside myself, too scared to ask for the help I need but at the same time the misery is comforting.
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